The Search For Me

I saw 'Eat Pray Love' the other day. I love the book; the movie, not so much. It was too long and I feel that too much emphasis was put on her pre-traveling days and yet I only knew of her problems because I had read the book. Then her time in India was given short shrift. While there in meditation she had a realization of God Consciousness, and that was just glossed over, by just showing her with a big smile on her face. Again, I knew that because I had read the book. 

I was disappointed. 

Plus, I went to a matinee on a Monday, the ticket was $9.00. Which was okay, I thought, but then I bought a small popcorn and a small bottle of water... $9.25. I thought that was obscene! The bottle of filtered water cost $3.75! In the convenience store the same bottle is $.99, Just nuts.

It was fun to be alone in the darkened movie theatre with just a few other people, most of them women. I enjoyed the alone time. But, the point of this post is not about the popcorn or even the movie. Since I saw the movie and while I was watching, I feel tears welling up in me every time I hear the word transformation, or transformative experiences. Why?Is it because Elizabeth Gilbert transformed in a huge way. She gained fame, love and recognition? 

I have transformed, am I feeling that my work, my transformation isn't enough or good enough? 

Looking at it written here it sounds silly and like my ego is raging. Maybe it is. I want to write a book, of course, I don't even sit my butt down and start. Well, I have started writing, I just don't finish. I get to a point and can't seem to move past that point. I am gentle with myself and don't beat myself up about it. I try to have compassion for myself. Still I don't continue.

I have transformed. I am not the same person I was eight years ago. I have achieved a lot in those years. I have done a lot of work on myself, I fought the good fight. I am different. More compassionate, I laugh a lot, I have fun. I work hard. My entire outlook on life and God and Love and life is different. I am evolving.

So, why do I tear up when I hear about transformation associated with this movie? This is my question for the day, I suppose. I will meditate on it. 

Meanwhile, I will allow Spirit to move through me, doing its work. I am open to Spirit and God to move through me. I allow transformation. I am evolving, growing and transforming. I am... I am.